I vividly remember stepping down off the stage one Sunday several years ago after preaching the second service out of three and I thought I was having some sort of demonic attack. I couldn’t think, I couldn’t speak, my mouth became dry, I couldn’t focus, I began to slur, I was having a breakdown but didn’t know it. My wife called on some of our leaders to come around and pray for me, in what we all thought was spiritual warfare. Others thought it might be hypoglycemia. So, they prayed and gave me something to eat and I mustered up enough energy to preach my third service of the day.
The following day a staff member picked me up and brought me to the doctor. I was in a fog. Couldn’t think straight. I couldn’t even drive. It had to be something related to my blood sugar, I thought. My doctor took some blood tests and everything came back perfect. My blood was fine. No issues. She told me I probably needed to get some rest.
I had been pushing hard for several years now. Over a 20-year period of time, I had taken three declining churches and gave everything I had to turn them around. When I took over my current church 12 years ago. The church was struggling and the building was falling apart. We started with 100 people and 5 years later we were over 1,000 people in two locations and had renovated at least 80% of the building. Outwardly, I was doing incredibly well and appeared extremely successful. However, it was all an illusion. Inwardly I was dying. I was empty, I was exhausted and depleted. My emotions had shut down and I could no longer feel, think, or sometimes breathe. I was dangerously tired and needed help.
I got to the point that I couldn’t do it anymore and I realized something was wrong. I needed a break. I needed relief. That’s when my wife told me she wanted us to get away and go to Vegas. There was a Women’s Conference at Central Church that she really wanted to attend. I thought it would be great. She would attend the conference and I would hit the Vegas strip! I could check that off my bucket list. I had never been to Vegas before and thought this was a great opportunity for me to finally get away and get the rest I needed, while exploring the entertainment capital of the world.
After her first session, my wife mentioned to me that the Pastor of Central, Jud Wilhite, was holding a round table for the husbands that were in town the next morning. It sounded like a good idea. I thought attending the round table would make the trip more spiritual and it would give me a chance to check out Central Church and meet Jud, as long as it wasn’t too long. I did have plans to head back out to the Vegas strip and explore some more.
The next morning, I found myself sitting at this round table event with about 20 or 25 guys. Jud welcomed us and thanked us for being there, and then right out the gate he said one of the most jaw dropping statements I had ever heard a pastor ever say publicly. He said, “The best decision I ever made was to go see a counselor.” I was blown away. I thought to myself, “Jud? One of the coolest Pastor’s around, who leads one of the largest churches in the nation, goes to a counselor?” It was the very first time that I had ever heard a Pastor be so transparent with his life, and it was the very first time in my life that I felt it was OK not to be OK.
Maybe I need to see a counselor?” I immediately thought to myself. Then I thought, “but what would a counselor do for me? I mean, I’m supposed to be a counselor and now I am going to go to a counselor?” I was just not sure, but it was the first time in my life that I had permission to go get help.
When we got back from Vegas, I mustered up the courage and made an appointment to see a counselor. I was so nervous to make that appointment. I was afraid that someone might recognize me then judge me and even felt embarrassed that I was a Pastor in need of counseling, but I went. I decided to go to someone in another state so no one would see me or recognize me. I felt so awkward walking into that office for the first time, but I knew it was where I needed to be. It was your typical counselor’s office. Something you would see on TV with two large maroon chairs and a couch. “There is no way I am going to sit on the shrink’s couch,” I thought to myself so I sat in the chair next to him.
I don’t remember much of the details of that first visit with Ted, except that I remember thinking that I wasn’t sure if I would go back. At the end of the session, Ted says, “Let’s look at our schedules for our next session. How’s next week?” “Umm, sure, yeah, that will work” I said to him. I was too embarrassed to tell him that I didn’t think I was going to come back, but I did. I went back, again and again and again every week for six months. Then bi-weekly for another twelve months, and now monthly for the past few years. During those sessions, God began to peel away the layers of my heart like the layers of an onion. In that office, God started transforming my life, week after week, day after day, session after session.
Walking into that office was one of the most life changing decisions I have ever made in my life, other than becoming a follower of Jesus and marrying my beautiful bride Ruth. I can honestly say that had I not made the decision to get help, I wouldn’t be here today. I was ready to quit my church, quit being a pastor, and even felt like giving up on life. However, God met me at that counselor’s office. After each session God began healing my heart and my soul. I recognized that I was unhealthy, my soul was empty, I was depleted, my emotions were shut down, I was burnt out and I was an emotional mess. I needed help. I needed to heal. I needed to be restored. I needed transformation. I needed Jesus.
During my counseling sessions I had come to the realization that I was burnt out for several reasons. Here are a few:
- I had neglected my emotional life. I had unprocessed grief from years of ministry losses and the death of my second born son Seth.
- My spiritual practices were not sufficient to give me the nourishment I needed to sustain the amount I was giving each week.
- I lived without limits or boundaries.
- I was out of rhythm with God’s life giving rhythms for my life.
- I was not remembering the Sabbath.
- I had not created space and time to give Jesus access to what was beneath the surface of my life.
So, how did I beat burnout? Here are the keys that helped my beat burnout, and my prayer is that they may get you on the path to beating burnout too. If you are going to beat burnout you are going to have to:
1. SLOW DOWN IN ORDER TO GIVE JESUS ACCESS WHAT'S BENEATH THE SURFACE OF YOUR LIFE.
I had discovered a slowed down spirituality that involved creating space and time in my life to give Jesus access to my soul was the most important key to beating burnout. For most of my life, I lived at a pace that didn’t allow me much time to sit and be with Jesus. There was always one more thing to do, one more message to respond to, one more soul to reach. It wasn’t until I slowed down my life and created significant time and space within each day to be with Jesus in silence and solitude that I began to come back from burnout. That 10 minute Bible app devotion was no longer cutting it. This was where my healing and restoration began.
2. GRIEVE YOUR LOSSES.
For years I thought that grief was something I needed to avoid or something that was only acceptable if someone had died. Even in cases when someone did pass, we were not supposed to grieve like the world does! I realized that after years of ministry losses and losses in life, I had years of unresolved grief buried deep in my soul. Emotions buried alive never die. Eventually, my emotions reached a limit and could no longer handle any more losses. I learned that grieving was healing and as I grieved losses from the past several years, my soul began to declutter and experience healing and wholeness.
3. EMBRACE YOUR LIMITS.
As I began to experience healing I began to realize that I could not do everything and please everyone. I learned that I was not a human doing but a human being. That required me to embrace my limits. I began living with rhythms of rest and work. Instead of working all week and then crashing after Sunday services, I started my work week from rest. I’m not just talking about rest physically, I’m talking about soul rest. I honor the Lord with a Sabbath day in which I set apart a 24 hour period of time to stop, rest, be with Jesus and do things that rest my soul like walking, hiking, biking or just vegging out on the couch and watching reruns of the King of Queens.
4. HONOR THE BODY.
Physical health and fitness is not emphasized in ministry circles as very important, but I have learned that without it, I am not living my best life. I have recognized the need to eat healthy and exercise regularly. I am an emotional eater so if I’m stressed, I eat. If I’m happy, I eat. If I’m sad, I eat. If I’m tired, I eat. If we had a record attendance, I eat! I recognized that what I put in my body and how I treat my body affects not just my mind but my emotions. The more I exercised and ate cleaner, the better I was and the healthier I was mentally, spiritually, and emotionally.
5. PRIORITIZE MARRIAGE OVER MINISTRY.
It’s easy to make the Bride of Christ more important than your bride or groom, but I had to learn that the most important relationship in my life outside of my relationship with Jesus is with my wife. One day I will stop pastoring my Church, but my wife will always be my wife. I prioritize my marriage over ministry because a healthy leader leads from a close and intimate relationship with Jesus and with his or her spouse.
After five years from my burnout experience, I am happy to say that I am the healthiest I have ever been in my life, my marriage is the strongest it's ever been, I am the closest to Jesus than I have ever been, and I am the most productive than I have ever been. Beating burnout is possible. If God rescued me, healed me and restored me He can absolutely do it for you. No one is too far from God’s healing and transforming power. God has an incredible plan for your life. If you’re not dead, then you’re not done. He loves you for who you are and the way you are, but He loves you way too much for you to remain the same. There is hope. It’s not time to give up. It’s not time to quit. It’s time to change. There is life on the other side of burnout.
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