FINDING REST IN A RESTLESS WORLD

We live under a weight of demands that can be debilitating. We become overscheduled, overworked, and overstimulated which become chronic stressors that lead to behavioral, mood and attention disorders.  We cannot see that we are causing ourselves physical, emotional and behavioral health problems as we try harder to go faster and do more.  In a world gone mad, our souls have been drained and depleted, and we are just trying to make it through each day with very little room to breathe. How do we handle the stress?  The pressure?  The pace?  How do we find rest?

For most of us, this is what our lives look like:  work> work> work> work> work> work> vacation!!! >work >work>work>work>work>work>vacation!!!  

What if I were to tell you that there is a better way to live?  

When I experienced burnout several years ago, it was difficult for me to find rest. I was exhausted, tired, and depleted all the time. I was not only tired physically, I was tired mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Outwardly, it appeared like I was successful. I was pastoring a successful growing church but inwardly I was tired and exhausted. I was burnt out. I was spent. I was numb. I was breathing, but not living. I was just going through the motions of life but not really enjoying life.

I went to bed early, I took naps during the day, and  I even took a weekly day off, sometimes, yet, I never really was able to find real rest.  What I came to realize was that what I needed was more than a nap, more than a vacation, and more than a day off, I needed rest for my soul.  

Soul rest is the the most important rest that we all need as leaders.  I love what David writes in Psalm 23, "He restores my soul."  We don't just need a day off from our jobs, we need rest for our souls.  Our soul is the seat of the mind, heart, and the emotions.  We give out so much, that if we don't rest our souls, we will burn out.  I have discovered that burn out is not doing too much but giving what we do not possess.   

How do we find rest in a restless world? 

1.  EMBRACE YOUR LIMITS.  

Life works best when we live within our limits and recognize that limits are a gift from God. Many of us are living our lives with NO LIMITS.  God wants us to embrace a life in which we KNOW LIMITS.  Central to living a healthy life is recognizing that God is God and we are not. Only God is unlimited. Knowing our limits and embracing those limits can actually the be key to you becoming the person God created you to be and live the life God intends for you to live and finding true rest.   We need to recognize that the title Pastor or Leader does not mean Superman or Superwoman.  We are human and we need rest. 

2.  PUSH PAUSE.

Jesus says in Matthew 11:28-29 MSG, Jesus says, “Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest." Jesus says that if we are going to find real rest, we need to come to Him.   The way we come to him is by pushing pause.  When we pause we get quiet before God, settle down, and center ourselves.  When we pause we give ourselves permission to breath and come back to God.  Pushing pause allows us to be human, notice our emotions, and allows us to just be.  Pausing opens our souls to God, it connects our soul to God, and it keeps us in connection with God.  When we pause we rest, when we rest we find Jesus. 

I have been learning to:

1. Pause daily.  I pause in the morning for a time of silence and prayer.  I pause throughout my day to be with God with what is.  Pausing daily invites God into the madness of my day, it centers my soul and opens my heart to His presence.
2. Pause weekly.  Every week I observe the Sabbath from 6pm on Friday night to 6pm on Saturday night.  I unplug, refuel, eat some great food, get out into nature and reflect on the goodness of God.  I don't run errands, catch up on chores, or do any sort of work.  It's a day to stop working, delight in God's presence and rest in Him.
3. Pause Monthly.  Every month I take a day to be with God.  It's a day to find rest for my soul, my mind and my emotions and to be present with Jesus.  
4. Pause Yearly.  This is not a vacation.  This is a time to rest in God while on vacation.  I schedule in during my vacation time for soul rest.  It's like putting together multiple Sabbath days of resting, reflecting, and being with God and enjoying His goodness and blessings.  

3.  UNPLUG.

You may not realize it but our phones, laptops, watches, televisions are draining and depleting our souls. The constant over stimulation from these devices are not helping us but hurting us.  We are becoming more and more addicted to technology and it is doing violence to our souls.  Who you are plugged into and what you are plugged into will determine your joy, your peace, your strength, your outlook on life, and your perception of reality.    Our lives are filled with a relentless assault on our attention and we have to put a stop to it.  

What happens when we don’t unplug?  

1. We become overwhelmed by the world and our circumstances.
2. We become vulnerable to temptation.
3. We are numb to our needs and the needs of those around us.
4. We are less present to our souls, our hurts, our needs, our disappointments, our fears, the less present we are to God.
5. We grow farther away in our relationship with Jesus.

If you are going to find rest for your soul, you've got to create times in your day in which you
unplug from everything else.  For me it begins at 7:00pm-7:00am every day.  I completely unplug during my Sabbath.  I also unplug during times in my day that I am writing and spending time with God.  For exmple, I am completely unplugged right now as I write!  Unplugging has been a great way to rest my mind, my heart and my soul from the craziness of the world.  

4.  REFILL YOUR BUCKET.

What fills your bucket?  What refuels you?  What fills your soul?  For me it's nature.  I love being in nature.  I love walking, running, biking, fishing, hiking and the beach.  I try to do this several times a week.  Get outside.  Sit on the back deck.  Walk. Look at the trees.  Smell the flowers.  Drive with my windows down.  

I also have grown to love theater, music, the arts and the symphony.  Ruth and I try to make it out to check out the arts a few times per year.  We have grown to love the arts, music, and theater.  Recently on my trip to see my son in Miami, we took time to visit an art gallery in his neighborhood.  Our souls were filled as we looked at the incredible art pieces by young up and coming artists.   

We all need to get in touch with our souls and what our souls need.  Some of us just enjoy sitting down reading a great novel while drinking coffee, maybe some of us enjoy drawing and sketching, or maybe biking or fishing.  When we are busy, we often don't create the space for things that fill our bucket.  What I am learning is that when I am busy I am really being lazy because I have not been intentional about caring for my soul.  Find what refills your bucket and do it regularly.  

5.  MOVE YOUR BODY.

There is something about exercise that makes me feel better about myself and helps me rest my soul.  It is proven that exercise improves your mood, increases self-confidence, helps you relax, improves your sleep, and lowers symptoms of mild depression and anxiety.  Exercise also reduces levels of the body's stress hormones, such as adrenaline and cortisol. It stimulates the production of endorphins, chemicals in the brain that are the body's natural painkillers and mood elevators.  If you are going to find rest you have to move your body, exercise, walk, run, or find something that moves you physically. When you move you body you will rest your soul.  

What steps does God want you to take to focus more on your soul than your role? What small changes can you make in your week that will create time and space to rest your heart and soul? I am living my best life because I recognize that I don't rest from work, I work from rest.  I have learned to start my week rested and each day rested.  My day does not start in the morning, but it starts at night.  God first created the night then the day.  The day begins while we are sleeping.  When we wake up the day is usually 6 or 7 hours old.  This is how God has designed us to live our lives and to work from a rested soul.  

Recommended resource:  "Get Your Life Back" by John Eldridge  

WHAT IS A HEALTHY LEADER?

This is a question that many times is answered subjectively based on what an individual person thinks a healthy leader looks like.  For some, a healthy leader is someone who goes to the gym several times a week, goes on vacation, takes a consistent day off, has devotions in the morning, attends prayer meetings, shares his or her faith on a regular basis, or has a deep understanding of Scripture and doctrine.  What I have learned is that you can do all of those things and do them well and still not be healthy.  

So, what does a healthy leader really look like?  Throughout the past several years I have come to learn that 2 Corinthians 7:10-13 (Msg) gives us the best understanding of what a healthy leader looks like.  

Healthy leaders are becoming, "More alive, more concerned, more sensitive, more reverent, more human, more passionate, more responsible." 2 Corinthians 7:10-13 (Msg)

There is so much to unpack here and it would probably take me writing an entire book to explain the depth of what this verse means as it relates to healthy leaders.  However, let me summarize it this way.  Healthy leaders are learning to enjoy God and to enjoy life and those who are closest to them see it. 

1.  Healthy Leaders ask, "Who is God, and how do I enjoy the life changing presence of God?"  

Healthy leaders are growing in closeness and intimacy with God.  They are living in loving union with God and enjoying His presence daily.  This is more than a quiet time in the morning.  This is a relationship with God that is experienced deep in the soul through spiritual practices that open us up to the life changing presence of Jesus deep beneath the surface of our lives.  

A big reason why I burnt out was because the spiritual practices that I had learned throughout my life were not sufficient to sustain what I was giving.  In other words, that quick devotion and prayer in the morning was just not enough.  I would even add, the prayer meeting in the afternoon with our prayer team wasn't enough either.  I had to learn new practices that opened my soul up to the presence of Jesus.  Practices like silence and solitude, breath prayers, the welcoming prayer, lectio divina, the Daily Office, fixed hours of prayer, retreat, and so many more.  

I love what McDaniel writes in Living From the Center.  He writes, "In contrast to the obligatory, guilt producing quiet time, healthy pastors have explored and developed life practices of connecting with God in ways that enlighten our minds, lighten our loads, widen our hearts, animate our wills, and provide us with fresh possibilities in daily life." 

2.  Healthy Leaders ask, "Who am I and how do I develop a growing understanding of myself." 

I love how Pete Scazzero puts it, he writes that we must "Know ourselves that we may know God."  The truth is that most of us don't know who we are.  We identify with our role but do not fully understand who we are in our soul.   We often try to live other people's lives and never fully become who God created for us to become.  We live our lives trying to be all things to all people but lose our soul in the process.  

A prayer that I prayed for months was by St Francis of Assisi who prayed, "Who are you, Lord my God and who am I?"  To be honest, I had no idea who I was outside of what I did.  It wasn't until I started journeying within that I found my true self.  

As growing leaders we need to pursue a growing understanding of our:

• Capabilities
• Personality
• Motivations
• Emotional health
• Physical body
• Family of origin
• Our past and it's impact on the present
• Calling

This understanding enables us to develop effective healthy lifestyle habits, regulate our moods, nurture our joy, take care of our brain and our body, and reorient our lives around what God is calling us to become.  We are not our roles, we are souls.  Do you know who you are outside of what you do?  One day you are going to stop being a leader, and then you will be forced to answer the question, "Who am I?"  Don't go to the grave without fully knowing and understanding who you are.  

3.  Healthy Leaders ask, "Who are you, and how do I relate to you in an emotionally healthy way?"   

Healthy leaders are learning how to relate to others in an emotionally healthy way.  We are growing in our ability to:

• Communicate with others in an emotionally healthy and relationally intelligent way
• Resolve conflict and repair relationships
• Be authentic and accountable in close relationships where we can have safe community, be pastored and mentored
• Protect relationships with appropriate boundaries

What I have learned is that healthy leaders are growing in love with God, themselves and others.  If we are going to be healthy, then we have to make our health the most important priority in our lives because the best thing you can bring to your leadership is a healthy you.   

Where can you start?  Start by reading "Emotionally Healthy Spirituality" by Pete Scazzero.  It was the very first book I read on emotional health that got me on the journey. 

BEATING BURNOUT

I vividly remember stepping down off the stage one Sunday several years ago after preaching the second service out of three and I thought I was having some sort of demonic attack. I couldn’t think, I couldn’t speak, my mouth became dry, I couldn’t focus, I began to slur, I was having a breakdown but didn’t know it. My wife called on some of our leaders to come around and pray for me, in what we all thought was spiritual warfare. Others thought it might be hypoglycemia. So, they prayed and gave me something to eat and I mustered up enough energy to preach my third service of the day. 

The following day a staff member picked me up and brought me to the doctor. I was in a fog. Couldn’t think straight. I couldn’t even drive. It had to be something related to my blood sugar, I thought. My doctor took some blood tests and everything came back perfect. My blood was fine. No issues. She told me I probably needed to get some rest. 

I had been pushing hard for several years now. Over a 20-year period of time, I had taken three declining churches and gave everything I had to turn them around. When I took over my current church 12 years ago. The church was struggling and the building was falling apart. We started with 100 people and 5 years later we were over 1,000 people in two locations and had renovated at least 80% of the building.  Outwardly, I was doing incredibly well and appeared extremely successful. However, it was all an illusion. Inwardly I was dying. I was empty, I was exhausted and depleted. My emotions had shut down and I could no longer feel, think, or sometimes breathe. I was dangerously tired and needed help. 

I got to the point that I couldn’t do it anymore and I realized something was wrong. I needed a break. I needed relief. That’s when my wife told me she wanted us to get away and go to Vegas. There was a Women’s Conference at Central Church that she really wanted to attend. I thought it would be great. She would attend the conference and I would hit the Vegas strip! I could check that off my bucket list. I had never been to Vegas before and thought this was a great opportunity for me to finally get away and get the rest I needed, while exploring the entertainment capital of the world. 

After her first session, my wife mentioned to me that the Pastor of Central, Jud Wilhite, was holding a round table for the husbands that were in town the next morning. It sounded like a good idea. I thought attending the round table would make the trip more spiritual and it would give me a chance to check out Central Church and meet Jud, as long as it wasn’t too long. I did have plans to head back out to the Vegas strip and explore some more. 

The next morning, I found myself sitting at this round table event with about 20 or 25 guys. Jud welcomed us and thanked us for being there, and then right out the gate he said one of the most jaw dropping statements I had ever heard a pastor ever say publicly. He said, “The best decision I ever made was to go see a counselor.” I was blown away. I thought to myself, “Jud? One of the coolest Pastor’s around, who leads one of the largest churches in the nation, goes to a counselor?”  It was the very first time that I had ever heard a Pastor be so transparent with his life, and it was the very first time in my life that I felt it was OK not to be OK. 

Maybe I need to see a counselor?” I immediately thought to myself. Then I thought, “but what would a counselor do for me? I mean, I’m supposed to be a counselor and now I am going to go to a counselor?”  I was just not sure, but it was the first time in my life that I had permission to go get help. 

When we got back from Vegas, I mustered up the courage and made an appointment to see a counselor. I was so nervous to make that appointment.  I was afraid that someone might recognize me then judge me and even felt embarrassed that I was a Pastor in need of counseling, but I went.  I decided to go to someone in another state so no one would see me or recognize me. I felt so awkward walking into that office for the first time, but I knew it was where I needed to be. It was your typical counselor’s office. Something you would see on TV with two large maroon chairs and a couch. “There is no way I am going to sit on the shrink’s couch,” I thought to myself so I sat in the chair next to him. 

I don’t remember much of the details of that first visit with Ted, except that I remember thinking that I wasn’t sure if I would go back. At the end of the session, Ted says, “Let’s look at our schedules for our next session. How’s next week?” “Umm, sure, yeah, that will work” I said to him. I was too embarrassed to tell him that I didn’t think I was going to come back, but I did. I went back, again and again and again every week for six months. Then bi-weekly for another twelve months, and now monthly for the past few years.  During those sessions, God began to peel away the layers of my heart like the layers of an onion. In that office, God started transforming my life, week after week, day after day, session after session. 

Walking into that office was one of the most life changing decisions I have ever made in my life, other than becoming a follower of Jesus and marrying my beautiful bride Ruth. I can honestly say that had I not made the decision to get help, I wouldn’t be here today. I was ready to quit my church, quit being a pastor, and even felt like giving up on life.  However, God met me at that counselor’s office. After each session God began healing my heart and my soul. I recognized that I was unhealthy, my soul was empty, I was depleted, my emotions were shut down, I was burnt out and I was an emotional mess. I needed help. I needed to heal. I needed to be restored. I needed transformation. I needed Jesus.  

During my counseling sessions I had come to the realization that I was burnt out for several reasons. Here are a few:

1. I had neglected my emotional life.  I had unprocessed grief from years of ministry losses and the death of my second born son Seth. 
2. My spiritual practices were not sufficient to give me the nourishment I needed to sustain the amount I was giving each week.  
3. I lived without limits or boundaries.  
4. I was out of rhythm with God’s life giving rhythms for my life.  
5. I was not remembering the Sabbath.  
6. I had not created space and time to give Jesus access to what was beneath the surface of my life.  

During this very difficult time in my life, I came across these words of Jesus that changed my outlook on life and ministry.  Jesus said, “And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul?” Mark 8:36.  At that moment, it’s as if the light bulb went on.  “What does it benefit me if I reach the world for Jesus, but I lose my soul in the process.” From that moment on, my focus would be reaching the world, but from a healthy soul.  

So, how did I beat burnout? Here are the keys that helped my beat burnout, and my prayer is that they may get you on the path to beating burnout too. If you are going to beat burnout you are going to have to:

1.  SLOW DOWN IN ORDER TO GIVE JESUS ACCESS WHAT'S BENEATH THE SURFACE OF YOUR LIFE. 

I had discovered a slowed down spirituality that involved creating space and time in my life to give Jesus access to my soul was the most important key to beating burnout.  For most of my life, I lived at a pace that didn’t allow me much time to sit and be with Jesus.  There was always one more thing to do, one more message to respond to, one more soul to reach.  It wasn’t until I slowed down my life and created significant time and space within each day to be with Jesus in silence and solitude that I began to come back from burnout.  That 10 minute Bible app devotion was no longer cutting it.  This was where my healing and restoration began.  

2. GRIEVE YOUR LOSSES.

For years I thought that grief was something I needed to avoid or something that was only acceptable if someone had died.  Even in cases when someone did pass, we were not supposed to grieve like the world does!  I realized that after years of ministry losses and losses in life, I had years of unresolved grief buried deep in my soul.  Emotions buried alive never die.  Eventually, my emotions reached a limit and could no longer handle any more losses.  I learned that grieving was healing and as I grieved losses from the past several years, my soul began to declutter and experience healing and wholeness.  

3. EMBRACE YOUR LIMITS.

As I began to experience healing I began to realize that I could not do everything and please everyone.  I learned that I was not a human doing but a human being.  That required me to embrace my limits.  I began living with rhythms of rest and work.  Instead of working all week and then crashing after Sunday services, I started my work week from rest.  I’m not just talking about rest physically, I’m talking about soul rest.  I honor the Lord with a Sabbath day in which I set apart a 24 hour period of time to stop, rest, be with Jesus and do things that rest my soul like walking, hiking, biking or just vegging out on the couch and watching reruns of the King of Queens.  

4. HONOR THE BODY.

Physical health and fitness is not emphasized in ministry circles as very important, but I have learned that without it, I am not living my best life.  I have recognized the need to eat healthy and exercise regularly.  I am an emotional eater so if I’m stressed, I eat.  If I’m happy, I eat.  If I’m sad, I eat.  If I’m tired, I eat.  If we had a record attendance, I eat!  I recognized that what I put in my body and how I treat my body affects not just my mind but my emotions. The more I exercised and ate cleaner, the better I was and the healthier I was mentally, spiritually, and emotionally.   

5. PRIORITIZE MARRIAGE OVER MINISTRY.

It’s easy to make the Bride of Christ more important than your bride or groom, but I had to learn that the most important relationship in my life outside of my relationship with Jesus is with my wife.  One day I will stop pastoring my Church, but my wife will always be my wife.  I prioritize my marriage over ministry because a healthy leader leads from a close and intimate relationship with Jesus and with his or her spouse. 

After five years from my burnout experience, I am happy to say that I am the healthiest I have ever been in my life, my marriage is the strongest it's ever been,  I am the closest to Jesus than I have ever been, and I am the most productive than I have ever been.  Beating burnout is possible.  If God rescued me, healed me and restored me He can absolutely do it for you. No one is too far from God’s healing and transforming power.  God has an incredible plan for your life. If you’re not dead, then you’re not done. He loves you for who you are and the way you are, but He loves you way too much for you to remain the same.  There is hope.  It’s not time to give up.  It’s not time to quit.  It’s time to change.  There is life on the other side of burnout.